


Alice's Last Song

by tiffaye



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 19:48:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17372183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiffaye/pseuds/tiffaye
Summary: You know Killian Jones, as well as his brother Liam, father Brennan, and daughter Alice, but what does anyone really know about his mother, Alice?





	Alice's Last Song

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written around the time season 6 was airing, before I knew that there would be mention of Killian's mother and all the KnightRook goodness.

Alice grew up in a small town in Ireland and had been known for her beauty ever since she was a child. For years she was an only child, as her parents had trouble conceiving. They were simple, hard working farmers, and when she was old enough, she was happy to help her parents with their daily chores. As much as she loved working with the animals and even watching the crops grow, she loved singing even more. She would often sing while she was working, as she was walking into town to buy bread- any chance she got, really. When she was about seven, her parents were lucky enough to have another child. A boy, this time, who they named Killian.

As she grew older, her raven hair, bright blue eyes, and singing voice were the envy of most of the women and attracted most of the men. She knew she was beautiful, and she couldn’t care less. Her focus was on being there for her family and helping to take care of Killian. She was sixteen now, and her mother had taken ill the previous winter. Things didn’t look good for her, but Alice did her best to stay strong for everyone and always had something positive and reassuring to say. By the time summer came, her mother had succumbed to her illness. Her father retreated, becoming colder and more distant than before. Alice’s heart was broken, of course, but it seemed to be the most difficult for Killian. He couldn’t quite understand that she wasn’t coming back. 

Now, she was seventeen and the woman of the house. She did all the cooking and cleaning. She and Killian took care of the farm together, as their father was now mostly concerned with drinking and gambling. Though it had been a year since their mother died, Killian often woke up in tears over dreams he had that she was back and their family was normal and happy again. It nearly broke her every time, but she’d hold him and console him until he fell asleep again each time, without fail. Another six months later, their father was killed. Alice had later discovered that he had owed quite a bit of money for quite some time. As they had no extra money, he was unable to pay his debt, and so they’d taken his life instead. She felt almost guilty that she wasn’t sad to see him go. She loved him still, he was her father, but he had mostly become a burden, especially because he got abusive in the end. She’d managed to shield Killian from the worst of it.

Alice was twenty and lived alone with Killian, who had just turned thirteen. People were starting to talk now about her deciding not to marry. She hadn’t met the right person yet, and didn’t want to settle for someone she didn’t think she could be happy with. She liked her life enough the way it was. She spent most of her time at the farm with Killian and went into town twice a week to sell things at the market. They’d developed a comfortable routine, and it had gotten to the point where Killian no longer had dreams about either of their parents. That was when the war started. At first, she was mostly unconcerned. When they lowered the drafting age, that got her attention. Men were dropping like flies, and the soldiers were rounding up everyone they could. When the drafting age lowered again, it meant that Killian was now qualified to go to war. Every day, she prayed and hoped that he would somehow escape notice. It seemed to work for a while, until a few months later when they came for him.

It was her twenty first birthday and she was alone and worried sick about Killian. He wrote to her as often as possible. Unfortunately, it wasn’t as much as Alice would have liked, but at least every letter was confirmation that he was alive, though he wouldn’t be safe until he was home again. Taking a few of her spare coins, she made her way to the tavern, where a traveling group of singers was performing. There, she finally saw a man who caught her eye. A man with dark hair and mysterious brown eyes named Brennan. Maybe it was the sense of loneliness getting to her, maybe it was the drinks, maybe it was his voice, or a combination of these things that drew her in. He was funny, charming, and made her forget for a moment that there was anything to be sad about in the first place.

She had ended up spending the night with him and giving him her maidenhood, and had quickly decided she was in love with him. He was full of the most amazing stories- at least half of which she was pretty sure weren’t true, but they were entertaining all the same. He made her laugh. He made her feel special. He made her feel as if she were the only woman on earth and that he was the only man for her. After only a week, she agreed to marry him. That had taken a bit of convincing on his part, but in the end she’d agreed. How could she not, with the points he made? He’d said that his life had been better since she’d been in it and he thought she felt the same. That was very true. He’d said that he’d never find another woman he loved as much as her and that he wanted a future with her. He’d said he could help her with the farm, which she was very much struggling with. He’d promised to help her with Killian when he got back home. He’d promised a lot of things, and in the end Alice agreed to marry him. 

A few months later, she found out that she was pregnant. She was nervous, of course, but also excited and overjoyed. Brennan seemed to feel the same way and had even come up with a name for their little lad. There was no way to be sure, of course, but they were both convinced that she was having a boy and Brennan had come up with the name Liam. She decided that she liked that and that it felt right. The baby seemed to respond to that name, at least. He kicked whenever she rubbed her belly and whispered the name, and so she supposed he approved as well.

She married Brennan when it became obvious that she was pregnant. His original argument had been that it wasn’t proper for a pregnant woman to be unmarried, and the community agreed. That wasn’t why she ended up marrying him when she did, however. That was because of how sincere he seemed to be about his feelings for her and the future he wanted for them. Brennan seemed to have big dreams with no way of actually accomplishing his goals, but she admired his passion and ambition. Besides, she was very much in love with him and wanted Liam to have a proper family. 

Alice was twenty two and in labor. It was the worst physical pain of her life, and Brennan wouldn’t come into the room. She figured he was afraid of making things worse for her somehow and that it wasn’t proper for him to be in the birthing room. That was ridiculous, she’d assured him, but he’d left all the same. After nine hours of labor, Liam was born. She was happy, emotional, exhausted, but most of all completely overwhelmed with love for her son. He had eyes almost like hers, though not as bright. They were more like her mother’s eyes. He also had curly brown hair, courtesy of Brennan’s side of the family. He was absolutely perfect and she didn’t think anything could bring her down on that day.

A few hours later, there was a knock at the door, and Brennan brought a soldier into her bedroom where she was feeding Liam. That was when she got the worst news of her life. Killian, her little brother, her mother’s miracle baby, had been killed in the war. After assuring her that he had died a hero, the soldier left and Alice broke down, holding Liam close to her. He was the only thing that kept her from falling apart completely. She was never quite the same after Killian’s death. She was no longer as optimistic or lighthearted, but she was nothing but pleasant around Liam. With Brennan, she tried to be more herself, but that seemed to upset him. He wanted the happy, beautiful, fit woman he had fallen in love with. Not a sad woman with stretch marks who didn’t smile as much as she used to.

She was twenty four and Liam was two now. Things with Brennan had been going sour since Liam had been born, which of course was the opposite of what she’d hoped for. She’d hoped that Liam would bring them even closer together and push Brennan to become the man she was sure he could be. Instead, all the parts of him she didn’t really care for seemed to become more dominant parts of his personality. Once, she’d caught him striking Liam. She’d moved out for a while after that. It took a few months and Brennan quitting drinking to get her to move back in with him again on her own farm. She’d had to do things that way- There was no way Brennan was going to leave, and so she had. Unfortunately, her husband was now more into gambling and other vices now that he had mostly stopped drinking. To the best of Alice's knowledge, at least.

Alice was twenty six and pregnant again. Though she wished it were under better circumstances, she was every bit as thrilled as she had been with Liam. Now, she’d have another little one to love and hold. Liam was the best part of her life, and now she was blessed enough to have another child to brighten her life even more. As with her first pregnancy, she sensed that she was having a boy. Brennan decided that this child should share his name, but Alice wouldn’t allow it. That’s when he beat her for the first time. Liam had tried to help her, but what could a four year old do against a full grown man? She’d ended up with a broken arm when she’d tried to shield Liam from his rage, but in her eyes it was well worth it. She wanted to go, for Liam and for her unborn son, but she was poorer than ever before, despite working harder than she had in her life. Every coin she earned, Brennan spent just as quickly. It was a struggle just to keep everyone fed now. She’d grown to hate Brennan. He was the biggest mistake of her life. At times, she almost wished that she’d been a maiden forever, but then she wouldn’t have her children. Even her unborn son had become the light of her life along with Liam. 

He seemed to enjoy her singing more than Liam had. When Alice was pregnant with Liam, he had responded more to stories. This little boy, her second born, apparently wanted to flip and do somersaults every time she sang, and so she sang often. He responded to her touch more, too. All she had to do was stroke her belly with one finger, and her belly would start to move. She loved Liam with all her heart and that would never change, but she sensed that she’d have a connection with her second born son that would be beyond comparison.

Alice had been in labor for fourteen hours, and she sensed that something was wrong. She was in much more pain than she had been with Liam. It didn’t help that they couldn’t afford a midwife or healer of any sort, due to Brennan’s habits. She was forced to go through it alone, but that’s how she preferred to do things now anyway. The only person who’s companionship she wanted was Liam. She cried out when she pushed again and some blood came out. That wasn’t supposed to happen… Gods, let Killian be alright, she found herself thinking. Killian… that would be a fitting name for her son, and she’d already seemed to name him. 

“Come on, my little Killian, my little fighter… You can get through this. My strong boy, come on out and meet me and Liam…” She pushed again and was rewarded when she heard the cries of her second born son. With tears of joy in her eyes, all the pain was forgotten for the moment. “Oh, my little Killian… You’re perfect. And you look just like me… I can’t see Brennan in you at all. Gods, all of this was worth it. For you and Liam, it was all worth it. You two are my gift to this world. If nothing else, I did something right by having you. Look at you.” She laughed as he grabbed her finger with one tiny hand. “So strong and so perfect. You’re only two minutes old and I’m so proud of you I could just burst. I love you so very much, my son…”

That was when Brennan came in, his face going pale at the sight of all the blood. That and the fact that she kept getting colder and feeling weaker convinced her of what was happening. “His name is Killian. Promise me you won’t change it. I swear on everything, Brennan, if you don’t take care of these boys, I will come after you. I don’t care if I’m dead or not, I will find a way to come after you.”

“I… Alright, Alice.”

“No. Promise.” When he was silent, she made her voice as strong and demanding as she could. “Promise me.”

“I promise.” He agreed reluctantly.

“Good. Get me that blanket and send Liam in. I… I have to say goodbye.”

He nodded and put a blanket over her, covering up the blood before sending Liam in. Despite the way she could feel her strength fading, she smiled brightly for him. “Look, Liam. Your little brother is here. His name is Killian.” She told him, smiling even more when Liam looked at Killian in wonder. “Listen, my little love… Mama has to go away. I don’t want to, but I have to go up to heaven. I need you to be strong for me. Take care of Killian. In the end, you two need to rely on each other and take care of each other. Promise me you’ll help look after your little brother?”

“I promise, Mama.” Liam said solemnly, his eyes meeting hers before looking at Killian again.

She wiped a tear from her eye and pulled Liam close, hugging him tightly despite the pain. “I love you with all my heart and soul, Liam. Never forget that. Tell Killian that I love him too, when I’m gone. Oh, my brave boy…” She kissed the top of his head as more tears filled her eyes. “Go on now, tell your father to come back in a few minutes.” Alice watched him leave the room, tears falling down her cheeks. She wiped them away before turning to Killian.

“And you, my littlest love… I’m so sorry that I’m leaving you like this. You deserve so much better. You deserve the whole world, and I’m so sorry I couldn’t give you that. I’m sorry I failed you and Liam. When I’m gone, he’s all you’ll have. He’s only a boy himself, but he’s such a good one. I’m sure you’ll be just like him. I know you’ll make me proud… I wish I could be around to make sure you two have better lives than I did, but you know what? Mama believes that she can try to watch out for you even after she’s gone. If there’s any way, I promise you I will find it. You’re going to be happy, my Killian, I’m sure of it. You’re going to find love. Real love, not like what I thought I had with Brennan. You’ll grow up big and strong and respectful of women, and most of all- you’ll be loved. Even after I’m gone, even if somehow you end up alone, you will always be loved…” She kissed his tiny forehead and laid back with him, singing to him and holding him until the end came just a few short minutes later. Just like that, the woman who had been known for her beauty and positivity, who had tried so hard to keep her family together and do the right thing by her children, was gone. She had sung her last song.

Brennan came back in just after Alice died, taking Killian from her arms and putting him in the crib before making Liam help him dig a grave. It took hours, and he was less than pleased when he went back inside and Killian was crying. Cursing his luck, he fed the baby and changed him before putting him back, vowing to make enough money to have someone else care for the child. Liam too, hopefully. He may even be able to help watch over his little brother. In the end, Brennan had to care for Killian himself, unable to give up his addictions to save up any money. In fact, he was digging himself deeper and deeper into debt, much as Alice’s father had.

As the years passed, he grew more and more distant from the boys, though Killian didn’t seem to notice much. He usually followed Liam around, which worked out well for Brennan because he didn’t have the time of day again. The one thing he was good at was telling stories, just as he had to Alice. Brennan had always been a storyteller, and when he was actually around he used that to soothe the boys and get them to sleep so he could go out gambling and often doing drugs. He chased one high after another, not thinking or caring what effect that might have on his future or the future of his sons. 

Killian had just turned five when things got even worse. Brennan had lost the farm, and still his debt wasn’t paid off. They’d ended up breaking his leg almost beyond repair as a warning to come up with a way to pay them the rest of the money. With nothing else left in his possession, there was only one thing to do- sell the boys for a way out of this place. He had to start fresh, where no one knew him. To do that successfully, he couldn’t have little ones tagging along with him. He wasn’t cut out to be a father. He’d never felt the attachment he should, and so he figured he was at least doing them a favor by keeping them together when he sold them to the filthy pirates- men even he was disgusted by, and that said a lot. Still, it wasn’t as if he had much choice. It was the boys or him, and he reasoned that they’d all end up dead if they stayed together. After telling the boys one more story, he snuck off, never to be seen or heard from again, or so he thought.

His sons crossed his mind occasionally, though not as often as they should. He wondered if they were alive and what they might look like. For years, he had often cursed the fact that he’d actually kept his promise to Alice about Killian’s name. That damn boy looked just like her. He couldn’t stand looking into his face especially. It was a relief to have them gone. They were a constant reminder of how he’d picked the wrong woman and how she died. It was like a slap in the face. Yes, it was much better for them all that he’d gone his separate way. 

As the years passed, he thought about his sons less and less, especially when he met another woman. This one wasn’t as much of a pain in the arse. Sure, she wasn’t as beautiful, but she shared many of his own views. They even ended up having a son together, and of course he picked the name Liam. Perhaps he was going to do things right this time. He’d have another Liam, maybe another Killian or a Brennan. Maybe he’d even stick around. Things seemed to be going well with his new, obedient wife who allowed him to do pretty much whatever he wanted. Yes, his life was going pretty well now, until one night he was outside of his home and looked up to see a man who sort of looked like his ex wife…


End file.
